Farewell my devoted readers...all 3 of you...
I write this, my final catrike blog post, from my bed in the Hospice at Maycourt here in Ottawa. Sadly, or not, despite all the cancer treatments I received, my condition is terminal and I have anywhere from a few weeks to a couple of months left to live.
When I was first diagnosed with cancer in 2012, something I had suspected I had since the previous November, I had a feeling it would kill me. Unfortunately, I was right and, as I had mentioned in an earlier post, I wrote very little in 2012 when I was first undergoing treatment.
As flattened as I was with the horrible side-effects of both low-dose chemo and radiation, external and internal (don't ask), I did manage to recover from the side effects and quickly enough, too!
At the beginning of 2012, I had set a Catriking goal to do 300 kilometres in one season. As soon as the bone numbing chill of winter softened into spring, I made it a point to head out as often as possible. I managed to rack up 168 kilometres just before the treatments started. So, I was able to meet my goal around Labour Day.
Subsequent, post treatment examinations seemed to show that I had successfully beaten the cancer but one exam in November 2012 resulted in me needing another biopsy.
Long story short, the cancer was still there and, this time, had spread so that it could be treated but not cured. I was dying and that was that.
More chemo, from the end of January to early June, more hospital stays, some even as long as 2 weeks in duration, more radiation, more side effects...bleah...
So, here I am, late October, 2013, in the hospice centre where I am being very very well taken care of by a team of nurses, PSWs and one of the nicest palliative care doctors this side of the solar system!
As for my beloved Catrike, I wanted to make sure it would go to a good place and be ridden by someone who would enjoy it at least as much as I always did. This is where my eldest son's girlfriend comes into the scene. She'd tried my Catrike before and really liked it so it made absolute sense to me if I gave it to her. Graciously and with a few tears in her eyes, she accepted my gift. I am totally sure she will enjoy the trike at least as much as I did. For that, I am grateful to her.
Cancer and the spectre of my approaching death has also given me a lot of time to practice my Buddhism.
Let's not get confused here. I am not happy that I'm dying at 49 years of age but I am at peace with that fact. In the meantime, may those who read this be well. Get out and keep triking. Get in good shape, cut down the amount of pollution this poor planet has had to endure, slow down the craziness of this "modern" life and just love each other.
Love,
Ruth
